How to Crush Nice Guy Syndrome and Live Free

Have you ever heard of Nice Guy Syndrome? This is a term coined by a psychologist named Dr. Robert Glover, who wrote a book on the subject (No More Mr. Nice Guy). Now, this topic is a little close to me because I actually heard about him and his work back in 2000 or 2001 when he was interviewed on a Seattle radio program that I liked to listen to back then. It was like he was peering right into my soul!

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What is Nice Guy Syndrome?

I’m not particularly proud of it, but I am a recovering Nice Guy. Nice Guys are characterized by an inability to clearly express their feelings and their desires. They often prefer to “not rock the boat” by being pleasant and nice instead of expressing their authentic feelings. This, of course, causes an enormous amount of problems when it comes to the world of dating and relating to women.

Nice Guys often have difficulty attracting women. Why? Is it because women are stupid and only like jerks that are no good for them? Not exactly. You see, Nice Guys usually have a lot of hang ups around sexuality and their feelings for women, believing on some deep level that all of this is “bad.” This causes them to avoid expressing interest in a girl or taking chances that other men might take to get girls.

Nice Guys also tend to be very passive aggressive about things since they feel so uncomfortable expressing their true feelings.

It isn’t fun being a Nice Guy.

What Can You Do to Get Over Nice Guy Syndrome?

Well, I was lucky. In 2007, I realized that it was really holding me back. I happened to live in the Seattle area (where Dr. Robert Glover practices), so I actually joined one of his Nice Guy support groups. I have to admit, it felt weird going to see a psychologist. I never really thought I would end up doing that.

This wasn’t like any other therapy group though. Dr. Glover is a really cool guy that will tell you what he thinks bluntly. After the group is over, it wasn’t uncommon for all of us (including Dr. Glover) to go to a bar down the street and just hang out and shoot the breeze for a while. There’s no lying on a couch talking about childhood trauma here!

I found that the support of having a bunch of other guys to talk to was extremely helpful. We would get to together and talk about our current life challenges and we would all work together to find ways to challenge our self-limiting beliefs and overcome our fears.

Okay, so chances are pretty good, you probably don’t live in Seattle. Heck, maybe you don’t even live in the United States. What can you do? I recommend you get Dr. Glover’s book. There are all kinds of helpful “breaking free” exercises you can do in it to help you get over the Nice Guy Syndrome on step at a time.

Also, start challenging your self-limiting beliefs. These are things like “I can’t approach women” or “Girls don’t want to kiss me.” How do you challenge these? Simply put, you just need to prove them. Go out and try to approach a woman. Is it physically impossible for you to do it? Of course not. Boom! Self-limiting belief gone. Do girls really not want to kiss you? Go out and date 10 girls and try to kiss each one at the end of the night. I bet you at least one wants to kiss you. Bam! Another self-limiting belief gone.

Yeah, the Nice Guy Syndrome sucks. But you know what? You don’t have to let it rule your life. You can break free from it and stop living your life in a box. If any of this resonates with you, I strongly encourage you to get the book and learn more about how you can break free from Nice Guy Syndrome.

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